I’m trying to figure out what’s addiction and what’s the depression underneath it. When I’m using, everything gets blurred together, so it’s hard to tell what came first. Some days I think the addiction is causing most of the low mood. Other days, it feels like I’ve been trying to numb something that was already there.
I’m starting to notice that stopping the behavior doesn’t make the depression disappear right away. That part is frustrating, but maybe it means I need help with both instead of waiting for one problem to fix the other.
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The fact that stopping hasn’t made the depression lift right away seems like a useful clue, even though it’s frustrating. I’ve had times when I expected a behavior to be the whole problem, then realized it had been covering up feelings that still needed attention.
For me, tracking sleep, urges, and mood for a couple of weeks made the patterns a little easier to see. It didn’t give me all the answers, but it gave me something concrete to bring to a therapist instead of trying to sort it out while overwhelmed.
Megan, the part about stopping and still feeling depressed makes sense to me. I used to expect the low mood to lift as soon as I stopped using, then felt even worse when it didn’t. It took a while to see that the behavior may have been covering something up, while also making the mood more unstable.
Getting help for both seems like a good way to look at it. I’d probably write down what the mood is like before an urge, after using, and a day or two later. Not to analyze every feeling, just enough to give a therapist something real to work with.
@Megan_George, noticing that the depression stays after stopping sounds like a useful clue, even if it feels discouraging. I’ve had periods where I expected removing one unhealthy coping habit to fix my mood, but instead it left the feelings more exposed.
Writing down what I was feeling right before an urge helped me spot one pattern: loneliness was usually there before the behavior, while the shame and exhaustion came afterward. That distinction gave me something concrete to bring to therapy.