I’ve been trying to find a therapist who understands addiction without looking at me like I’m a bad person. I had one appointment where I spent most of the time worrying about what the therapist thought, so I left out some pretty important details. That didn’t help much.
I’m not looking for someone to excuse my choices, just someone who can talk about them without making me feel ashamed every time. How did you find a therapist you could actually be honest with?
Tamara, leaving out details because you’re worried about being judged makes it nearly impossible to get useful help. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means the therapist hadn’t made the room feel safe enough yet.
One thing that helped me was asking directly during the first appointment, “How do you work with addiction, and how do you handle relapse or things I’m ashamed of?” Their answer, and their tone, told me a lot. I also wrote down the details I usually avoided and handed over the list when saying them out loud felt too difficult.
Tamara, I’ve had that same problem where I’m so focused on how I’m coming across that I barely say what’s actually going on. Then the session feels pointless, even though I showed up.
What helped me was saying early on, “I’m leaving things out because I’m scared you’ll judge me.” Their reaction told me a lot. A good therapist shouldn’t act shocked or make excuses for me, but they should be able to talk about the behavior without treating me like I am the behavior.
I’d probably try one or two sessions and ask directly about addiction and relapse before sharing everything. If you still feel watched or shamed after that, finding someone else isn’t giving up.
The part about not being treated like the behavior really makes sense. I’ve caught myself thinking that one bad decision says everything about me, which makes it even harder to be honest in a session.
Saying it out loud early sounds useful too. Did the therapist’s response make it easier to open up right away, or did it take a few sessions before you felt comfortable sharing more?