Trauma still shows up in how I handle stress, even when the situation itself isn’t that serious. My brain seems to expect something bad to happen, so I can get tense, shut down, or start planning for every possible problem. It’s exhausting, and sometimes I don’t realize I’m doing it until afterward.
Trust is harder too. I can like someone and still hold part of myself back, waiting for them to change or let me down. Usually that has more to do with old experiences than anything they’ve actually done. I’m trying to notice the difference instead of treating every bit of uncertainty like a warning sign.
I guess the main thing I’m learning is that being guarded helped me get through certain situations, but it doesn’t always help me now. Relaxing around people and dealing with stress without going straight into defense mode is slow work.