Therapy is helping me notice what’s underneath my addiction instead of only focusing on the behavior. A lot of the time, I’m trying to avoid feeling stressed, lonely, or ashamed. Once I can name what’s going on, the urge doesn’t disappear, but it feels less automatic. I have a little more time to choose what to do next.
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That bit of extra time can make a huge difference. I’ve found that naming the feeling sometimes takes away its power, even when the urge is still sitting there.
Do you have a particular feeling that tends to show up most often before the urge, or does it change depending on what’s happening?
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For me it’s usually shame, especially after I’ve messed something up or feel like I’ve let someone down. I start wanting to shut everything off instead of sitting with that feeling.
Stress is usually what gets the cycle started, but shame seems to make the urge feel more urgent. Naming it as “I’m ashamed right now” helps me pause, even if it doesn’t make the feeling go away. Sometimes that pause is enough to text someone or get out of the room.
For me it changes, but loneliness is probably the one that shows up most often. Sometimes I can be around people all day and still feel disconnected, which makes the urge feel sneaky because nothing obviously bad happened.
Shame can get mixed in too, especially if I’ve already slipped or put something off. Saying “I feel lonely” instead of “I need this” gives me a little space to check what I actually need. Usually it’s a call, food, sleep, or just getting out of the room for a while.