I keep putting off things I actually want because failing feels more painful than staying stuck. Staying stuck is frustrating, but at least it’s familiar. Trying means finding out whether I’m capable, and I hate how much that answer seems to matter.
I remember signing up for a class, feeling excited for about a day, then inventing reasons not to go. I eventually quit before the first session. Nothing bad happened, but I still felt embarrassed, like I had failed without even giving myself a chance.
How do you start when the fear of failing is stronger than the desire to change?
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The part about quitting before the first session really hit me. I’ve done that too, then treated the avoidance like proof that I couldn’t handle it. It helped to stop calling the first attempt a test of my ability and make it a trial run instead.
For one class, I only committed to showing up once and staying for 20 minutes. I didn’t have to be good, decide whether I belonged, or finish the course. That smaller promise made it much harder for my fear to turn the whole thing into a verdict.
Donna, quitting before the first session sounds less like proof you couldn’t handle it and more like fear trying to protect you from being judged. I’ve backed out of things for the same reason, then felt worse because I never got any real information about how it might have gone.
What helps me is making the first step so small it can’t answer the whole question. Show up once, stay ten minutes, or just gather what I need. The goal isn’t to prove I’m capable right away. It’s to stop letting one attempt decide what I’m capable of.
@Donna_Robertson, the embarrassment after quitting before the first session can feel worse than the actual risk. I’ve backed out of something I wanted and then spent more energy judging myself than the attempt would have taken.
I once signed up for a workshop and made my only goal getting through the door. I didn’t promise to participate or decide whether I was good at it. Just staying for the first few minutes gave me a little information instead of another imagined failure.