Letting people help with anything feels almost impossible when I have OCPD. I usually decide it will be faster and less stressful if I just handle it myself, even when I’m already exhausted. Then I get resentful that nobody helps, which makes no sense because I’m the one turning help away.
I remember my sister offering to organize some paperwork for me. She was being kind, but I kept hovering, correcting little details, and eventually took it back from her. She left feeling frustrated, and I felt guilty, but still convinced it had to be done my way.
How do you practice accepting help without feeling like everything is slipping out of your control?
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The hovering and correcting is the part I recognize most. I can tell myself I’m just making things efficient, but the other person experiences it as not being trusted, and then I’m left feeling guilty.
What’s helped me is giving someone a small, clearly defined task and agreeing beforehand not to redo it unless there’s a real problem. I still feel the urge to check everything, but I try to wait a set amount of time before looking. Sometimes “good enough and done” is the only way I get practice letting control loosen.
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The set waiting time is a good idea. I’ve had better luck when I decide the time limit before handing something over, because otherwise I’ll invent a reason to check it five minutes later.
I’m trying to remind myself that not redoing a task is part of trusting the person, even if I would’ve done it differently. That guilt can still show up, but letting the task stay finished seems to matter more than getting rid of the uncomfortable feeling right away.