Food has started feeling more like a list of rules than something I’m allowed to enjoy. My OCD keeps attaching conditions to everything, like when I can eat, what order things have to be eaten in, and whether a meal is “safe” enough. If I break one of the rules, I get this intense feeling that something is wrong, even when I know logically that nothing bad has happened.
It’s exhausting because the rules keep changing. Following them only gives me a little relief, then another thought shows up and I’m back to checking, avoiding, or trying to fix the meal. Sometimes I’m not even hungry anymore, but I feel stuck thinking about whether I did something incorrectly.
I’m trying to separate actual hunger from the compulsions, but it’s harder than I expected. Has anyone found a way to make eating feel less controlled by OCD?
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Cindy, the rules changing after you follow them sounds especially draining. That brief relief can make the next rule feel convincing, even when part of you knows it’s OCD talking.
What helped me was choosing one small meal detail to leave imperfect on purpose, then resisting the urge to fix or check it. I expected the anxiety to keep rising, but it eventually softened when I didn’t feed the rule. I’d be careful not to turn that into another rigid routine, though. Are you working with a therapist on exposure and response prevention around meals?
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That warning about turning exposure into another rigid routine really landed with me. OCD can make even a helpful strategy feel like something I have to perform perfectly.
I’m not currently doing meal-specific ERP with a therapist, but I’ve been thinking about bringing it up. Leaving one small detail imperfect sounds more manageable than trying to challenge every rule at once. I’d probably need help choosing a step that’s uncomfortable without making eating feel unsafe.