My worst experience with depression didn’t come from anything I had done, it came after something that was completely out of my control. I had a miscarriage that put me through an enormous emotional rollercoaster and left me feeling lost, helpless, and hopelessly depressed for weeks afterward.
I started to feel the effects of depression immediately after the miscarriage. At first, it seemed like any typical grief process — lots of sadness and some moments of depression. But then, suddenly things changed. I stopped sleeping well, stopped caring about my job and other tasks that normally were important to me. I felt numb inside and lacked any motivation to find joy or comfort in anything else.
I began isolating myself even more than usual as a way to cope with my sorrows — but this only made it worse. All I wanted was for everything to go back to the way it had been before the miscarriage — but every time I tried to fight against these dark thoughts, it would be too hard for me and I’d slip back into feeling overwhelmed by sadness. Instead of seeking professional help, I just wanted to block out anything that reminded me of what happened so I could move on from it eventually.
I realized months later that I needed outside intervention if ever hope to overcome my depression — which is exactly what happened. Finally admitting how bad things were and reaching out for help was one of the scariest tasks yet most rewarding tasks I’ve ever undertaken in my life- but making that choice allowed me to put soulless pieces back together again and feel happy once more!