I have long struggled with anorexia. Growing up I never felt like I was able to fit in, and as a result some of the most damaging of coping mechanisms were born out of my own sense of inadequacy and insecurity.
My experience with anorexia can be broken up into two distinct phases; restrictive anorexia, which I experienced predominantly in my teenage years, followed by the actual eating disorder; binge-eating/purging anorexia that predominantly took over during my early 20s.
During my teenage years I strictly restricted my food intake to maintain a low weight. My days consisted of avoiding eating at all costs in order to stay thin and small, basically cutting out entire meals if need be—an incredibly difficult act to keep up for so many months and years on end. I remember feeling constantly scared; scared of gaining weight, scared of what others would think if they saw how little I was actually eating. As time went on these more extreme cycles were replaced with smaller adjustments here and there in order to conceal my disorder from those close to me while still maintaining control over how little I ate or refused to eat altogether - something that came at a huge cost both physically and mentally.
At some point around early adulthood bingeing slowly began taking over these restrictive habits; it felt easier in some ways but more shameful somehow as well. Bingeing became more intense than it had been before - and this included harder substances like drugs too which further aided safe escape from reality during times where lack of control threatened to overtake me completely due to the addictive nature of the cycle. It was a deeply dark time filled with cycles between starving myself throughout the day then gorge myself late at night only to throw it all back up again soon after while wishing desperately for this part of me life just go away forever - something it never fully did.
Recovery has not been easy but ultimately is worth it especially when compared against remaining stuck in toxic cycles of anorexia—regardless if they manifest as restrictive or binging-related behaviors—which clearly come with lots pain and suffering unless you’re brave enough confront your demons head-on and make lasting changes for yourself along the way.
Thank you for sharing your experience with anorexia. It takes a lot of courage to go through all that and even more to open up about it. I can relate to how difficult it must have been to feel like you had no control over the eating disorder, especially at such a young age.
My understanding is that recovery from anorexia takes a long time, but it’s something you can achieve if you commit to taking care of yourself and surrounding yourself with the right kind of support system. I’ve certainly found this to be true in my own life. People living with this condition tend to hide their feelings from those closest to them, as it can be so hard to lift that veil and share what’s really going on inside. However, seeking help is one of the best things we can do for ourselves because without external support, things can get overwhelming quickly.
I’m sorry for what you have had to go through but I want you to know that you’re not alone in this fight. Whether through therapy sessions, talking with loved ones or simply taking better care treatment of your body by getting regular exercise and proper rest — there are many paths toward managing these issues while still being mindful of our strengths. So stay strong—you deserve
It sounds like you’ve been through quite a lot over the years regarding your experience with anorexia. I know how hard it can be to try and cope using destructive behaviours, and how hard it is for these patterns to go away.
I can relate personally, having had my own struggles with controlling my eating habits due to an underlying lack of self-esteem. It’s never easy trying to figure out ways of getting better from this type of darkness, but building strength and resilience is key.
I’m sure you’ve encountered many disappointments on your journey so far, but it sounds like you are starting to take some courageous action towards change and that’s really inspiring! Keeping yourself motivated has always been a challenge for me in times like these, so please know that the small victories should also be celebrated and seen as progress!
We’re all here for support (even if we don’t always have all the answers) so if there’s ever anything I can do – whether its listening or just being a fellow voice cheering you on - please don’t hesitate to reach out.
I am so sorry you have had to go through the struggles associated with anorexia. Losing control of your eating behavior is no easy feat, and it can be very isolating trying to manage this disorder. I applaud you for being brave enough to face it and start making lasting changes.
It sounds like your teenage years were incredibly hard for you, having to deal with feeling insecure and not being able to fit in. That must have been exhausting and overwhelming at times, and nobody should have to go through that kind of experience alone. It’s good that you sought out help as soon as possible so that you could begin working on recovery and reclaiming your body back from anorexia.
The transition from restrictive eating habits into binge-eating/purging must have been difficult too, especially when harmful substances became involved. It’s normal to want “it” - meaning the fear of gaining weight or what others may think - to go away forever but having worked through an eating disorder myself I know how hard it can be to change those deeply rooted thoughts and behaviors. But the key is taking it one step at a time so that change can become lasting over time.
That said, if there is ever anything I can do to