I keep getting stuck on people I resent, even when I don’t want anything to do with them. I replay what they said, imagine arguments, and check what they’re doing online. It gives me a quick sense of control, then I feel worse and lose a bunch of time.
I know the fixation isn’t helping, but just telling myself to stop doesn’t work. Has anyone found a way to break this loop before it takes over?
@Jean_Nguyen, the checking seems like the part that keeps feeding it. I’ve had better luck making that harder instead of trying to argue with every thought. Muting or blocking, logging out, and putting a time limit on the apps helped more than telling myself to “just stop.”
When the replay starts, I try to label it as rumination and switch to something physical, like washing dishes, walking around the block, or holding ice water for a minute. The thought usually comes back, but it loses some grip when I don’t keep building the imaginary argument.
I also write down what I wish I could say, then leave it in my notes instead of sending or checking anything. It gives the anger somewhere to go without handing that person more of my time.
The part about making checking harder has helped me too. I once logged out of an account for a week and removed it from my phone, and the first couple of days felt oddly uncomfortable. After that, I noticed I was having fewer imaginary arguments because I wasn’t constantly reopening the door.
Writing the unsent message is useful as well. I usually add one line about what I need to do next, then put the phone down and take a short walk.