Childhood trauma still shows up in my life in ways I didn’t expect. I can seem fine on the outside, then something small happens and I suddenly feel tense, shut down, or like I need to get away. Sometimes I react before I even understand what bothered me.
I have a hard time trusting people fully, especially when someone’s mood changes. I start looking for signs that I did something wrong, even when there’s no real reason to think that. It’s exhausting being on alert all the time.
I’m trying to notice these reactions without blaming myself for having them. Therapy and writing things down have helped a little, but some days it still feels like the past is taking up space in the present. Does anyone else struggle with feeling unsafe even when nothing is actually happening?
1 Like
@Tara_Dixon, the part about noticing the reaction without blaming yourself really matters. I’ve had times where somebody’s tone changes and my brain immediately starts searching for what I did wrong. By the time I realize nothing actually happened, I’m already tense and pulled away.
Writing it down has helped me separate the trigger from the facts, even if it doesn’t stop the first reaction yet. Sometimes I just remind myself, “I feel unsafe right now, but that doesn’t mean I am unsafe.” It sounds simple, but repeating it gives me a little space before I shut down.
2 Likes
That reminder about feeling unsafe without actually being unsafe has helped me too. I used to treat the feeling as proof that something bad was happening, which usually made me pull away before I had any facts.
Once, a coworker answered me more sharply than usual, and I spent the rest of the morning assuming I’d messed something up. I wrote down what was said and what I was guessing, and seeing those as separate things took some of the heat out of it.
That distinction between the feeling and the actual danger has been useful for me too. I can still feel my body tense up, but naming it keeps me from immediately assuming I caused a problem.
Once, a friend replied with a much shorter message than usual, and I started drafting an apology before checking the facts. I waited, reread the conversation, and realized there wasn’t anything to apologize for.