Depression has made intimacy really difficult for me, especially when erections don’t happen or don’t last. It’s frustrating, but the emotional part can be worse than the physical problem. I start worrying before anything even happens, then feel embarrassed and pull away.
My partner has been kind, but I still catch myself thinking they must be disappointed. That kind of pressure seems to make everything harder. I’m trying to remember that this isn’t a personal failure, and that depression can affect desire, arousal, and erections all at once.
I’m planning to bring it up honestly with my doctor instead of quietly blaming myself. Has anyone found that treating the depression helped with intimacy too?
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@Glenda_Smith, the pressure you described before anything even happens sounds like it could become a cycle all by itself. I’ve had anxiety affect intimacy too, and once I started worrying about how things were going, it became much harder to stay present.
Talking with a doctor seems like a good step, especially since some depression medications can affect desire or erections as well. It might help to ask about both the depression and possible treatment side effects, rather than assuming it’s all in your head. Has your partner been able to talk about what they actually feel, instead of you having to guess?
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@Brittany_Hines, that part about having to guess what your partner feels really hit me. I’ve done that too, and my brain usually fills in the worst possible answer before they’ve even said anything.
Talking about it outside the bedroom seems less awkward than trying to explain everything in the moment. I’ve found it helps to say that closeness matters to me even when sex isn’t working the way I want, so there’s less pressure for one specific outcome. I’m glad you mentioned checking medication side effects too, since that can get overlooked.