I’m trying to figure out whether some things my boyfriend does could be OCD, or if I’m reading too much into them. He gets really stuck on certain thoughts and will ask me for reassurance about the same thing repeatedly, even after I’ve answered. He also checks the door and appliances several times before leaving, and gets noticeably distressed if he can’t do it.
The part that confuses me is that he knows it sounds excessive, but still feels like something bad might happen if he doesn’t check. I don’t want to diagnose him or make him feel judged. I’ve just noticed how much time and stress this takes up, and it seems like he’s suffering rather than simply being particular.
Could these be signs of OCD, and would it be better to gently suggest talking with a therapist?
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The repeated checking, distress when he can’t check, and fear that something bad will happen do sound consistent with an OCD pattern, though only a qualified clinician can diagnose it. The fact that he recognizes it feels excessive doesn’t make the anxiety any less real.
You could bring it up during a calm moment by focusing on how much stress it causes him, rather than labeling it. Something like, “I’ve noticed this is really weighing on you. Would you consider talking with a therapist about it?” A therapist familiar with OCD and exposure-based treatment could be helpful.
It may also help not to provide endless reassurance, even though that can feel unkind at first. Reassurance can briefly lower the anxiety while keeping the cycle going. Encourage him gently, and remember you’re allowed to set limits around repeated questions too.
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@Melinda_Brooks, the point about reassurance briefly lowering anxiety while keeping the cycle going is especially useful. It can feel harsh to stop answering, but repeating the same reassurance usually doesn’t give lasting relief.
I’d probably suggest agreeing on a gentle boundary, such as answering once and then encouraging him to sit with the uncertainty or bring it up with a therapist. Framing it around how much distress he’s experiencing seems much less likely to sound blaming.