I’ve noticed childhood trauma still shows up most when someone gets too close. Part of me wants connection badly, but another part starts looking for signs that I’m about to be rejected, controlled, or hurt. I can pull away over small things, then feel lonely and confused afterward.
The hardest part is that closeness doesn’t always feel comforting. Sometimes it feels like losing my footing. I’m working on pausing before I shut down or assume the worst, but it’s not automatic yet. Do you ever notice yourself pushing people away even when you actually want them near?
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That part about closeness feeling like losing your footing makes a lot of sense to me. I’ve had moments where nothing was really wrong, but I still felt the urge to create distance just so I could feel in control again.
What’s helped me a little is naming the reaction before acting on it. Sometimes I’ll tell the other person I’m feeling guarded and need a little time, instead of going quiet or making a reason to leave. It doesn’t fix the feeling right away, but it keeps one bad moment from deciding everything.
@Teresa_Brock, I’ve caught myself treating a delayed text or a change in someone’s tone like proof they were pulling away. Then I’d become distant first, even though what I really wanted was reassurance.
Pausing helps me ask whether I’m reacting to what’s happening now or to something older. It doesn’t always stop the urge to withdraw, but sometimes I can say, “I’m feeling guarded,” before I disappear.
@Teresa_Brock, I notice it most when someone is consistently kind. Instead of relaxing, I start waiting for the catch and become more distant, even though I want to feel close to them.
One small thing that helps is asking for a little space without making it sound like rejection. I once told someone I was overwhelmed and would check in the next day, and that kept me from disappearing completely.