The binge purge thoughts are taking over more of my day lately. Even when I’m doing something unrelated, part of my brain is calculating food, calories, when I can be alone, and how to undo what I ate. It’s exhausting, and honestly kind of scary how normal the thoughts can start to feel.
I keep telling myself I’ll get better control tomorrow, but that usually turns into more restriction, then a binge, then purging and guilt. The cycle is getting harder to interrupt, and I’m spending less time actually living and more time negotiating with my head.
I know this isn’t something I should try to manage by sheer willpower. I’m thinking about telling someone I trust and finding eating disorder support, even though admitting how much time this takes up feels embarrassing. Has anyone found a first step that made reaching out feel less overwhelming?
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Patricia, the part about the thoughts feeling normal really hit me. That was one of the scariest bits for me too, because it made the cycle seem like just something I had to live with.
Telling one safe person helped make reaching out less huge. I didn’t explain everything perfectly, I just said that food and purging were taking up a lot of my day and I needed help finding someone who understood eating disorders. A doctor or therapist with ED experience can help with the physical side too, since purging can get dangerous. You don’t have to wait until it gets worse or have the right words ready.
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The suggestion to use almost a simple script is really helpful. I tend to freeze when I think I need to explain everything, so saying that food and purging are taking over my day feels much more doable.
I’m glad you mentioned the physical risks too. It’s easy to focus so much on the shame and thoughts that I forget purging can affect my body seriously. Reaching out before having the perfect words might be the first step.
That simple script is such a practical idea. I’ve frozen up before because I thought I had to explain every detail, when one honest sentence would have been enough to start the conversation.
I once wrote the sentence in my phone first and read it from the screen during an appointment. It felt awkward, but I didn’t have to rely on finding the perfect words in the moment.