Living with pica eating disorder

I know it’s not normal, but I struggle with Pica. It’s an eating disorder where people have cravings for non-food items like dirt, paper, or paint.

Dealing with Pica isn’t easy. I get these sudden urges to eat things that aren’t food and it’s like nothing else matters in the moment. It can be a literal urge – sometimes I feel the desire to chew something up with my teeth, but mostly I just feel like I need to swallow something. This can cost me money at the store buying random objects that catch my eye and suddenly seem appealing to me.

My cravings go through phases. Lately it has been rubber bands and various bright colored objects. Some days are easier than others – if I can distract myself and focus on other activities then the cravings are less intense. Of course, this isn’t always possible so when I feel covetous of an object or want to eat something unusual, the choice is put unto me whether or not to take in something harmful for my body or not.

I also fear other people knowing about my disorder in case they judge me, because that has happened before which makes it even harder for me to open up about it and find help for it. I guess what’s most important is that I’m taking my own steps each day towards a healthier lifestyle and hoping that one day this will no longer be part of my life story.