Dealing with obsessive tendencies in relationships - my experience

I’ve been in a few relationships in the past and have learned that I tend to have a hard time not being too obsessive. While it may feel like a good thing in the moment, it can quickly become a negative thing. I often find myself focusing on what my partner is doing and constantly wanting to be around them or check up on them. I want to spend all of my free time with them, almost forget my own life outside of our relationship.

I know this isn’t healthy but when you are so deeply attached to someone, it can be hard to find that balance between taking care of yourself and staying connected with your partner. That’s why one of the most important things I’ve tried to do is create boundaries within the relationship; ones that help both me and my partner still maintain some freedom while also making sure we continue to communicate. Setting aside “me time” each week outside of our together-time (as well as each person having their own hobbies) has helped remind me that being apart for short periods can actually help us grow closer over time.

It can be tough work dealing with these tendencies but if you put in the effort, it makes for healthier relationships down the line.

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Hi and thanks for sharing. I can totally relate to wanting to be in something so deeply, but also being mindful of how quickly it can be a slippery slope if not addressed. It’s important to remember that regardless of how strong your feelings for your partner may be, it’s just as important to make sure you’re taking care of yourself too.

At 32, I’ve had my share of obsessive relationships as well. The key for me has been to maintain balance in the relationship; defining what works best for both people and finding a way to meet each other halfway. Remember that having separate goals and maintaining independence outside the relationship can actually be beneficial; besides giving both people a little breathing room, it will also help bring new energy into the relationship that you can then bring back together when it’s time to reconnect with each other.

Take the time you need for yourself, but also stay connected with your partner. This isn’t always an easy balance, but with practice—you’ll find what works best for both of you. Good luck!